The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

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Are Psycho Xiaojies real?

Yes, they're real and they're out there.
30
97%
No, it's a stereotype with no basis in reality.
1
3%
 
Total votes : 31

Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby sandman » Sun Jun 16, 2013 14:31

I dated a female from Glasgow, this one time? And you people think you have a handle on cultural issues? You don't have a fucking CLUE, children. :lol:

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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby Kal El » Sun Jun 16, 2013 14:36

sandman wrote:I dated a female from Glasgow, this one time? And you people think you have a handle on cultural issues? You don't have a fucking CLUE, children. :lol:

Ooooh! You said female!! :runaway: You're in trouble now!! :runaway:
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby HeadhonchoII » Sun Jun 16, 2013 14:43

sandman wrote:I dated a female from Glasgow, this one time? And you people think you have a handle on cultural issues? You don't have a fucking CLUE, children. :lol:


They are not known for the Glasgow kiss for nothing.
But you got to ask yourself the question....what would astronaut Chris Hatfield do?
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby HeadhonchoII » Sun Jun 16, 2013 14:46

As for does the Psycho Xiaojie exist, let's put it this way, you might not believe in UFOs until one appears over your house and invites you to tea.

You might not believe in Psycho Xiaojies until she's waving an 8 inch kitchen knife in your face and daring you to walk out that door.

One of the above happened to me, no reward for guessing which one.

:twocents:
But you got to ask yourself the question....what would astronaut Chris Hatfield do?
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby Bunks » Sun Jun 16, 2013 14:49

Kal El wrote:
sandman wrote:I dated a female from Glasgow, this one time? And you people think you have a handle on cultural issues? You don't have a fucking CLUE, children. :lol:

Ooooh! You said female!! :runaway: You're in trouble now!! :runaway:



Says the guy who got upset yesterday when jimi called him a citizen. :facepalm:
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby Kal El » Sun Jun 16, 2013 14:56

HeadhonchoII wrote:As for does the Psycho Xiaojie exist, let's put it this way, you might not believe in UFOs until one appears over your house and invites you to tea.

You might not believe in Psycho Xiaojies until she's waving an 8 inch kitchen knife in your face and daring you to walk out that door.

One of the above happened to me, no reward for guessing which one.

:twocents:

A UFO invited you to tea?? You're my new hero, up there with Spock and Jean Luc Picard. :orz:

Bunks wrote:
Kal El wrote:
sandman wrote:I dated a female from Glasgow, this one time? And you people think you have a handle on cultural issues? You don't have a fucking CLUE, children. :lol:

Ooooh! You said female!! :runaway: You're in trouble now!! :runaway:



Says the guy who got upset yesterday when jimi called him a citizen. :facepalm:

Ha! I wasn't upset. I was just pointing out that my good friend Jimi brings that up very often. Actually, you disappoint me, my good man. I thought you were going to give me a bashing over my use of the words "psycho" and "psychotic". :grin:
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby Tempo Gain » Sun Jun 16, 2013 15:06

HeadhonchoII wrote:As for does the Psycho Xiaojie exist, let's put it this way, you might not believe in UFOs until one appears over your house and invites you to tea.

You might not believe in Psycho Xiaojies until she's waving an 8 inch kitchen knife in your face and daring you to walk out that door.

One of the above happened to me, no reward for guessing which one.

:twocents:


Ha I think that was my knife. Mine walked out the door with it. That's another story though.
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby Kal El » Sun Jun 16, 2013 15:16

Tempo Gain wrote:
HeadhonchoII wrote:As for does the Psycho Xiaojie exist, let's put it this way, you might not believe in UFOs until one appears over your house and invites you to tea.

You might not believe in Psycho Xiaojies until she's waving an 8 inch kitchen knife in your face and daring you to walk out that door.

One of the above happened to me, no reward for guessing which one.

:twocents:


Ha I think that was my knife. Mine walked out the door with it. That's another story though.

I don't believe you guys. I had a Ugandan ex once, and ... oh ... wait. She was in my country. Fuck her. She should have adapted.
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby Jaboney » Sun Jun 16, 2013 15:27

channamasala wrote:Among the Taiwanese female friends I have not met one who even seems like she might qualify as a psycho xiaojie.

You ought to ask your Taiwanese male friends about their bad break ups.
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby ChinaCat » Sun Jun 16, 2013 15:46

channamasala wrote:Among the Taiwanese female friends I have not met one who even seems like she might qualify as a psycho xiaojie.


Jaboney wrote:You ought to ask your Taiwanese male friends about their bad break ups.


What would guys know about girls/women/females? :roll: Get with the program, J.
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby Toad » Sun Jun 16, 2013 17:38

- The normal % of women (compared to the % in other cultures) with these bad qualities in Taiwan tends to correlate with the % of women who prefer to date foreigners or who often do, although obv. not every woman who dates foreign guys is like that (I don't like this explanation, by the way, I'm just throwing it out there)

I can hear my old university lecturers now, bellowing "correlation is not causation, young grasshopper!". In any case, I don't think the above is even true. I've seen and heard about enough Taiwanese men with psycho exes to know it's not just the foreigners who are affected; we just tend to rant about it more because we don't accept it as normal. Anyway, I don't like this explanation because it basically says the people who date outside of their culture have personality defects. This is the sort of crap you get from Apple Daily, so I don't see any need to throw it out there. It's fairly obvious where that theory needs throwing.

- There is a real disconnect re: what it means to date in Taiwan that a lot of foreign guys seem amazingly clueless to. People don't act on their crushes or desire to date immediately - if you hang out together a lot, even in a group, you are seen as "pre-dating" or even "casually dating", if you go out for coffee alone, that's a date thing, not a friends thing (though this is changing) and if you actually go out on a DATE date together, you are presumed to be DATING ... But this is Taiwan - it's the foreign guys' job to adapt to the culture here, not the other way around. Sadly, many of them don't do that.

This might be true of the lads fresh off the boat, who are young, dumb, and full of, erm, enthusiasm. Anyone with half a clue (and who's thinking with the big head instead of the little head) soon figures out what's what. And no, it isn't up to anybody to 'adapt to the culture'. Your own or anybody else's. Your actions should feel right to you, and you should be able to justify them to yourself (and possibly to your parents, if only in principle). Of course you should be aware of the reasons for other people's actions, and tactful about your own, but doing something because everybody else does it is not a good way to get through life.

- Racism: everybody in every country where dating is a "thing" has a story about their crazy ex. Most people only have one, MAYBE two such stories. Because this is Taiwan and the stories tend to center on foreign guys dating Asian women, everyone tells their crazy ex story and the fact that every crazy ex is Taiwanese seems to be statistically significant, but it's actually not. Go home and ask your friends about their crazy exes, and you'll probably get the same kinds of answers and conclude "________ women/men are crazy!".

Don't think so. I've met way too many Taiwanese men who have had the same experiences; and I'm sure you're aware of the phrase "公主病". That phrase wouldn't exist if the phenomenon only affected 'foreign douchebags'. Yes, obviously, there are crazy people in every country. But there does seem to be a lot more low-level craziness here.

FWIW, I've observed that a lot of Taiwanese people:

- Don't have much sense of self. They're pushed from pillar to post by parents, in-laws, and society at large, and never make any real decisions for themselves. Their opinions are whatever they've read in the newspaper or been told by their teachers or family. When forced to make decisions, even minor ones, they have trouble; they become visibly upset. Often, it seems to me, it's because they don't even know what they want. They're waiting for someone to tell them what they want.

- Become deeply dependent on others, possibly for the above reason. They want someone to complete them, to fill in the missing bits that they've never had a chance to fill in for themselves. When they feel threatened - that is, when they feel that their crutch may be removed - they freak out. It's painful for a normal person to realise that a relationship is ending, but for someone like this, it's like cutting off their arm.

- Cannot communicate properly. They've spent their entire lives with their heads buried in a schoolbook, and have been positively discouraged from interacting with other people. Even when they do know what they want, they have trouble expressing it, and have equal trouble understand the wants and needs of others. They are very poor at out-of-the-box reasoning, so even when they do understand what both sides want, they are unable to work logically towards a middle ground. They therefore assume it's a zero-sum game, and attempt to bludgeon the other into accepting their own point of view. I suspect this is exacerbated by inherent imprecision in the Chinese language. When I'm involved in problem-solving meetings at our factory, I notice that 80% of the conversation involves clarifying exactly what has been said.

- Deal with conflict poorly. This applies especially to men who, when gf throws a tantrum like a two-year-old, attempt to appease her and give her whatever she wants. The gf therefore learns that this is the best way to get results.

I think this applies equally to men and women, but women seem to get away with it a lot more on the basis that ... well, not sure really. People just seem to accept that that's how women behave.

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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby CeladonScream » Mon Jun 17, 2013 00:36

Yep, my sister-in-law.

She can meditate for several hours in a Lotus position without moving and yet, I've also witnessed episodes of venomous, flash anger completely incongruent with her stated positions and spiritual practices.

Sure glad our paths never met in the dating world...
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby divea » Mon Jun 17, 2013 05:16

Jealous, possessive love is often looked upon as 'passionate and raw and all that'. So TW women think that when they're throwing a tantrum, it should be seen as endearing. So they don't get, why a foreigner backs off when they go psychotic. It's like they bared their souls (and fangs) and that means the relationship is like all serious now. BUt the laowai is like WHOAAAA..........anyways that and insecurity really make TW girls potential BOMBS.
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby CeladonScream » Mon Jun 17, 2013 08:49

divea wrote:Jealous, possessive love is often looked upon as 'passionate and raw and all that'. So TW women think that when they're throwing a tantrum, it should be seen as endearing. So they don't get, why a foreigner backs off when they go psychotic. It's like they bared their souls (and fangs) and that means the relationship is like all serious now. BUt the laowai is like WHOAAAA..........anyways that and insecurity really make TW girls potential BOMBS.


"...bared their souls (and fangs)..." You forgot claws. :doh:

I agree with much you say, but I've known of several TW women that threatened and attempted suicide for failing to get their desired end result, which seemed over the top under any circumstances...
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Re: The Taiwan Psycho Xiaojie: Myth or Reality?

Postby Kal El » Mon Jun 17, 2013 12:52

Toad wrote:
- Racism: everybody in every country where dating is a "thing" has a story about their crazy ex. Most people only have one, MAYBE two such stories. Because this is Taiwan and the stories tend to center on foreign guys dating Asian women, everyone tells their crazy ex story and the fact that every crazy ex is Taiwanese seems to be statistically significant, but it's actually not. Go home and ask your friends about their crazy exes, and you'll probably get the same kinds of answers and conclude "________ women/men are crazy!".

Don't think so. I've met way too many Taiwanese men who have had the same experiences; and I'm sure you're aware of the phrase "公主病". That phrase wouldn't exist if the phenomenon only affected 'foreign douchebags'. Yes, obviously, there are crazy people in every country. But there does seem to be a lot more low-level craziness here.

My SO made the big mistake this last week of going to Chiang Mai Thailand with her roommate. Typical small, thin, pale overly make-uped 20-something. She never seems to be able to keep a bf for longer than a few weeks, which had my SO wondering as she seems to think "guys really like her". I initially told her, it may have something to do with her hairy legs (yeah, I don't get how a girl will take so much care of her appearance and leave masses of dark fuzz all over her calves). :idunno:
But a few months into their roommate relationship several things began to happen. At first it was ok to have bfs over (she had a bf when they got the apartment), but that changed quickly. She threw a tantrum when I was coming over one Friday to visit my SO (not in front of me, though). When it was her turn to throw out the garbage she would mysteriously vanish all day, or mysteriously have to go out of town, leaving my SO a message "Throw the garbage", with no please or thank you. I could go on and on, but you get the picture.
So when she told me they were going to Chiang Mai together I immediately aid that's a bad idea. All last week 90% of the messages I got was of 公主病 type behaviour of her roomy, which basically spoilt the entire trip. Laughable stuff, like the stupid cow insisting on wearing high heels down the road in the midday sun, then tripping and falling on her ass, screaming and throwing a tantrum about it and then giving my SO the silent treatment for the next few hours. It goes on and on like that.
It's now very clear why the guys she dates usually bolt after two weeks, but being Taiwanese guys this is what I think happens:
1. They spot the signs pretty quickly.
2. They never break up with her. They always have a water tight excuse, like the last guy who's "company moved him to China". Really, he didn't know that a week before? Then their numbers change and they become unreachable and uncontactable.
3. Being in a new relationship, they never take her home (so she doen't know where they live or work), and the only contact details they divulge is a cell number.

Toad wrote:FWIW, I've observed that a lot of Taiwanese people:

- Cannot communicate properly. They've spent their entire lives with their heads buried in a schoolbook, and have been positively discouraged from interacting with other people. Even when they do know what they want, they have trouble expressing it, and have equal trouble understand the wants and needs of others. They are very poor at out-of-the-box reasoning, so even when they do understand what both sides want, they are unable to work logically towards a middle ground. They therefore assume it's a zero-sum game, and attempt to bludgeon the other into accepting their own point of view. I suspect this is exacerbated by inherent imprecision in the Chinese language. When I'm involved in problem-solving meetings at our factory, I notice that 80% of the conversation involves clarifying exactly what has been said.

I would say that my SO is one of the better communicators I've met in Taiwan. That said, sometimes there are arguments about issues where (conjuring Jimip's voice) I wonder, "Is she being intentionally obtuse?" True about the zero-sum game. It's taken two years, many arguments, and a lot of patience to get to the point where in a disagreement neither needs to be right or wrong, and that there is always a middle ground. She used to bludgeon with emotional blackmail and the like, but that's been resolved now.
I think part of the problem is that she (and her sister) always got what they wanted from their father. And with the two long-term Taiwanese bfs before me, they always did what she wanted and let her have her way. :idunno:

Toad wrote:- Deal with conflict poorly. This applies especially to men who, when gf throws a tantrum like a two-year-old, attempt to appease her and give her whatever she wants. The gf therefore learns that this is the best way to get results.

As I just said above, that's what they do. The girl gets used to this, and when she meets a foreign guy she expects the same thing. All of a sudden the outcome isn't what was expected and rage and tears follow.
Thankfully, my SO isn't psycho, and we were able to eventually talk all this stuff out and get to where we are now. We have learned to compromise, but it took a lot of time, many arguments, several faux break-ups and a great deal of patience (which I didn't always have). But I don't think this would work with every girl. I doubt it would work with my SOs roomy.

It's also interesting that getting away from face-to-face communication and moving to something like Line or Skype when tensions flare did wonders. Perhaps because each person has time to think about their response, time to digest what the other person wrote, without laying blame. Also, it takes tantrums and raised voices out of the equation. :idunno:
Again, I think this approach can only work with someone that is willing to reflect on themselves and their past relationships, and who are willing to communicate and compromise.

Edit: The above is not to say that I didn't (do?) have my own intricacies. I also had to do some reflection and bitching to mates about it all, and I had to think about how I approached things too. Compromise isn't about bending the other person to your will.
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