Alone Time

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Re: Alone Time

Postby Jaboney » Sat Aug 31, 2013 00:19

Also, I used to play hockey, which was more time away than time alone.
I've always enjoyed biking, hiking, or rollerblading alone.
And, once upon a time, walking the dog was a good excuse for a hour away.
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Re: Alone Time

Postby Tempo Gain » Sat Aug 31, 2013 00:37

Try working with your SO as well :) 24 hour a day proposition, every one a blessed joy of course :e425:
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Re: Alone Time

Postby Kal El » Sat Aug 31, 2013 00:38

Jaboney wrote:Also, I used to play hockey, which was more time away than time alone.
I've always enjoyed biking, hiking, or rollerblading alone.
And, once upon a time, walking the dog was a good excuse for a hour away.

I get that, I have the "going to throw the garbage and recycling", the "going to buy water", and the ever trusty "going out to get some tea, do you need something?"
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Re: Alone Time

Postby Dragonbones » Sat Aug 31, 2013 00:55

Kal El wrote:I get that, I have the "going to throw the garbage and recycling"


YOU have that. For me (and maybe Sandy), that's (what the F does he call it? Spark time? Sponge time? Spork time?) ah, frog time! Ya hafta make up a wee baggie o' garbage fer da sparg (frog?) ta toss, innit? And then ya takes da wee sparg and da garbage to da trOck and da lil' feller has a grand ol' time tossinit! or somtin' laik dat. Never could understand them bloody Irish.
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Re: Alone Time

Postby Hannibal » Sat Aug 31, 2013 01:33

Not wanting to be the guy who brings this up, but mehby you wanted just a bit less time with the GF, not so much alone time?

It's the old "Who are you again?" thing. :idunno: :ponder:
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Re: Alone Time

Postby Corns » Sat Aug 31, 2013 05:43

My alone time away from family is work :lol: :lol: People are often commenting on why I am so happy on Mondays! :grin:
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Re: Alone Time

Postby Budgerigar » Sat Aug 31, 2013 07:29

Sorry to hear about your grandfather, Kal El. That kind of thing can show itself in funny ways--sometimes by creating some demoralizing but usually temporary relationship stress. Steady on, though.

My wife is presently away for a month. I start my evenings thinking, "Ah, me time!", but always manage to end them lonely, pathetic, and talking to her as if she were here (and that without drinking!) By day, I find myself singing this line from an old Tom Waits song:

I'm glad you're gone 'cause I'm finally alone,
I'm glad you're gone but I wish you'd come home.


One of my big joys in life is reading. But since my wife and I have learned to read together and still share each others company, I don't need to be alone for that. Granted it took a few years, but IMO that kind of an adjustment makes a marriage last more than "time off for good behavior" does. The times we have been away from each other, though, have always made us appreciate having one another in our lives. It's also a good cure for the need for "me time," I suppose. It works for me anyway.
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Re: Alone Time

Postby Just Jennifer » Sat Aug 31, 2013 09:06

Corns wrote:My alone time away from family is work :lol: :lol: People are often commenting on why I am so happy on Mondays! :grin:


Oh yeah. Forgot about that. Funny how I go to work and come alive...
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Re: Alone Time

Postby Bubbha » Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:50

It doesn't matter how much I may love someone or enjoy their company; I have to have plenty of "me" time.
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Re: Alone Time

Postby Kal El » Sat Aug 31, 2013 13:27

Corns wrote:My alone time away from family is work :lol: :lol: People are often commenting on why I am so happy on Mondays! :grin:

Yeah, but for me work just increases the need for alone time. Work is either being surrounded by hordes of screaming kids for six hours vying for my attention, or two hours of adult "company" where I'm the focal point.

After all that, I usually just feel like this:


Bubbha wrote:It doesn't matter how much I may love someone or enjoy their company; I have to have plenty of "me" time.

Same here. :thumbsup:
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Re: Alone Time

Postby ThreadKiller » Sun Sep 01, 2013 02:42

It's obvious that everybody is different with regards to needing alone time and that relationships, of course, themselves change over time. Having fucked up with regards to giving people the time they needed to themselves, I feel strongly about the topic.

The course of my relationship with Mr. TK:

1. I couldn't understand why the asshole wouldn't want to spend every waking moment with me seeing as I was clearly so much in love with him. Who wouldn't want to be with me every moment that wasn't given over to work? Why wasn't he happy that I was waiting outside his apartment when he got home from work? My need to be with him always, and forever, was partially driven by love, but - to be honest - was largely the result of insecurity and lack of trust. We broke up.

2. When we got back together, and after many months, I learned that "alone time" did not mean that he was chasing other guys. It just meant he had a desire not to be smothered. He strangely needed a bit of life that wasn't totally colored by mine. And, now that I was confident about us, I was shocked to realize that I was actually happy when he left to visit his family.

3. After moving in together, I started to enjoy living with somebody that I was invested in, but I started to get testy. Why the fuck would he never, while I was at home, ever go out to buy anything or meet with his friends? I'd have to suggest excursions. "Hon, don't you want to go to the RT Mart and pick up some coffee?" He'd wisely realize that I wanted to jerk off and would create a reason for calling me on the way back, so as to prevent embarrassing situations. I learned to do the same for him.

4. 10 years after the event (I know that 10 years means we are still newbs): We are lucky with our schedules - there is enough time apart and enough time together (my classes usually start earlier and his radio station gigs later). I have at least a bit of time to myself at home each day, and so does he. Sundays are usually our time to truly relax together. I'd take bullet for him, but I'm still slightly happy when it is time for him to visit his family in Kaohsiung. It's good for the first night, at least, but then I do start to miss him.

My suggestions are:

a. Do not feel bad about needing time alone.
b. Remember that time alone is good, but that everybody is different and that every relationship is different and that every relationship is at a different point in it's progression.
c. It's not that difficult to get "alone time". Just remember that when you say "alone time", it means something very different to her. She might hear, "I want to take a break. You are not making me that happy." Explain it clearly and make a secure date for the next time you will meet.
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