17 November, 2006

Dating in Taiwan

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Dating in Taiwan

Daniel Wallace

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The White Guy / Taiwanese Girl thing seems to be a powerful myth for straight Western men here, and I’d like to point out some of the fictional elements of this myth.

Taiwanese girls love us! Could it be that we hang out in the places that also attract the minority of girls who want to date us? After all, very few of us Westerners can speak decent Chinese, or are able to do less ambiguous work than English teaching here, and most of us plan to leave within two years. We are on the periphery of this society, and our lack of assimilation forces us into the places that are set up for us. Although we talk about “getting into the culture”, I invariably encounter most foreigners in foreigner-friendly spots: Wellcome supermarkets, Grandma Nitti’s, Swenson’s... How many Taiwanese friends do you have that you didn’t meet through your job, or in one of these expat - orientated establishments? Western guys trade stories of the “Psycho Xiaojie” (who sends 500 text messages a day, and is also sleeping with two of your neighbours), but this kind of woman sounds quite different to the kinds of Taiwanese woman that I’ve met via teaching or through friends. The more typical Taiwanese woman seems to date a total of three men through her teens and twenties, and aims to get married before she’s thirty, so, for a woman like this, dating an English teacher will be a big mistake (he will soon leave Taiwan). There does seem to be a group of women who only want to date foreigners, but they seem a very small minority of the English speaking girls in Taiwan; a much larger number of women seem to feel ambivalent about the idea. We foreigners underestimate our isolation – even in Taipei, I think most local people have no foreign friends, and are not looking for them (hence all the questions about whether you can use chopsticks).

You don’t need to do anything – these girls just come on to you! If anything is an abnormal Taiwanese trait, it must be to begin a conversation with a strange foreigner in order to have sex. If you accept that this is a culture where talking to strang- ers is often a stressful event, you are either describing a very unusual Taiwanese person, or you have been brainwashed by the myth. I know many single male Westerners here, and it’s clear that they aren’t being hunted down – they ponder the strangeness of this to me (“Maybe if I were taller...”). Perhaps instead, the standard Taiwanese view of us is more accurate: male foreigners who do well with girls spend lots of time on the prowl. I’ve watched friends go through the whole cycle of trying out Tealit, visiting bars, doing language exchanges - all the while sharing recommendations and tactics with each other... My other impression is that we foreigners have very little to do here in Taiwan, which creates this drinking, going to the gym and looking for girls culture. If you’re not learning Chinese, or have something creative to do with your time – what else can you do after work but go to bars?

The girls are beautiful! Well, I agree, but are we saying that particularly beautiful girls seek out foreigners? Is it possible that Taiwan, still rather patriarchal, puts huge pressure on women to look perfect, while men don’t have to do very much? A common sight, after all, is the “Tai-ke” couple: the slim girlfriend in heels and mini-skirt, the chubby boyfriend in a loose t-shirt and flip-flops. Is part of why women seem eager to date you not just because you’re a Westerner, but that social pressure makes it hard for women here to be single and content?

But, at this late stage, most foreign men have been swal- lowed whole by the myth, and so reality no longer matters. A bar with four “hot” Taiwanese girls and fifteen white guys crowded around them is still a great bar, even though at home, you’d move on immediately; a girl that back in Lon- don, you wouldn’t pay much attention to, now is incredibly interesting, because you’ve decided that all girls in Carnegie’s must be beautiful and because you’re embarrassed that you haven’t had any luck in three weeks.

Taiwanese women are better than the feminists back home! Now you’re really smoking crack. Many of your instincts about right and wrong will routinely be flouted by your partner: if you would like to date someone who will be chatty and confident in house parties, for example, you may be disappointed. If you want, God forbid, someone who has vaguely similar ideas to yours about raising children, you may be disappointed. The Western men I’ve met here who are married to Taiwanese women rarely talk about how easy it is. Oh - perhaps she’s just joking about needing to get married, about looking after her parents and so on... I suspect she isn’t. And of course, realising all this, many Western men in Taiwan begin the new quest: for the Taiwanese girl who isn’t like other Taiwanese girls. Perhaps it’s impolite to point out that Taiwan is not the best place to look for such a person – could I instead suggest somewhere like San Francisco?

Comments

tony

this is of course a much-discussed topic and you are quite right to play the emperors new rags card on it.

but i think you underestimate the number of half-westernized (ie English majors, planning to go to UK to do Masters, already lived over in uSA etc.) girls there are out there......if there are say 10,000 western males in Northern Taiwan then there are also a good number more girls who are at the very least willing to entertain the idea of having a western boyfriend.....you won't meet them in Carnegies I agree, but that doesn't mean they aren't out there.......

Christine W.

I agree. Go to San Francisco, L.A., or anywhere else in the world to find the Taiwanese girl who is not like the other Taiwanese girls. If you need a Taiwanese girl who has similar values as you do, you probably want to look into a more westernized asian population. Well, there are definitely some in Taipei but you need to look really hard for them. Good luck searching though.

David

Well said. I could not agree more. Some Westerners in Taiwan need a reality check.

tw

you are a loser, u can never find a nice tw girl who clicks w/ u i guess, racist! you think to date white girl and to date tw girl are different, well, i think they are both human being, you and your funny point of view, get out of the country.

Nathan

For what it's worth - regardless where you are.
Be picky.
Be very picky and take things slow.

snoop

It's like that and like this and like that and uh

Brad

You speak of just " white guys" I guess the myth doesn't apply to me as I'am a black man of native American descent. I have never had a problem in Taiwan niether have my friends (also American black men). You all (white guys) suffer from whats called an over abundance of product meaning there's too many of you after the same thing so the girls can care less. I reap the benefit in this area as there aren't many of us outhere so getting that extra attention is marvelous. It also helps to have a job that puts you in a higher social class than just a petty english teacher. These types of jobs you chaps like to take will always keep you on the bottom rung of the socioeconomic ladder. It also helps if you LEARN chinese and stop being arrogant believing that your whiteness is a universal ticket to acceptance, quite the contrary, I was having a conversation with a Taiwanese girl (in chinese) and she mentioned something strange when we were on the subject of employment. Some how she knew I wasn't an english teacher weird huh!? How would you know I asked? You don't carry that poorly portrayed sense of "yeah i'm the shit because I think i'm the unique westerner who can get girls because of my race". Long story short she was saying all of you white guys are all the same, stale, lame, boring and always looking for an "easy catch". Could this be true maybe maybe not I try not to hang out in areas with many westerners doing this is a social death sentence in the name of actually making Taiwanese friends. When you go to these bars with all these other guys your shooting yourself in the foot!! Your fear of learning chinese for the sake that you might look silly in front of a prospective catch is holding you back. Thats quite alright if you want to date a girl thats been ran through more than a subway tunnel. It doesn't make you a player your only talking to women in a small social pool which includes 10,000 of your closest alcoholic english teaching brethren. As I mentioned earlier actually having a "real" job helps ,lets say like a corporate rep this would automatically change your social grouping putting you in a higher position of authority as well as attaining financial stability. Meaning on this level yes the women will come to you most likely, and yes they're pretty hot on top of that (here's a secret you have to get respect from the men as well) I don't think I know any Asian men who have much respect for "western men" "white men", just for the simple fact that they believe that the only thing that mr whitey wants to do is get a shitty job just so he can get into the country and make a lackluster attempt to ravage his women.

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