Columns » News from the Renegade Province
Taipei Woman Achieves Pure Whiteness ~ TC Lin
TAIPEI | 23-year-old Chen Yi-zhen reached her life-long goal of pure whiteness on Friday, according not only to news sources but also the national meteorological service, which spotted Chen on its satellite scan of the island late last night.
Roughly 80% of women in Taipei have a similar goal, and spend billions each year in pursuit of whitening their skin in order to seem more attractive, but Chen is the first to actually achieve pure, unadulterated whiteness. Her co-workers were both dismayed and surprised to discover the beams of pure whiteness coming from her cubicle. “I just know she’s going to get that promotion now,” Zhuang Shu-fen, who sits across the hallway, told reporters.
Chen had been using various skin-whitening products, including Pond’s, Clorox and Industrial Waste® Brand creams, but pure whiteness eluded her for years until she hired self-described ‘skin genius’ Dr. Arkady Malovich, formerly the staff surgeon of a Siberian prison camp as well as special guest on the Regis and Kathy Lee Show on Lifetime. Chen then allowed herself to become the subject to Malovich’s ‘relatively tried and true’ experimental procedures. From then it was only a matter of months before the office worker’s dream of having literally white skin came true.
“Of course, Ms. Chen’s case is a success,” Malovich told reporters. “But I wouldn’t stand too close to her, if you know what I mean. Some things have to be admired from afar….you know, they aren’t so pretty close up.”
Chen herself could only repeat, in what seemed to be a slightly delirious voice, “I’m white! I’m white! I’m white!”
Comments
Martin
A photo would be good you know... This piece of news is kind of random
June 4, 2007 3:24 PM
Mark
It was also written many years ago, wasn't funny, just racist then, time hasn't changed it.
July 30, 2007 11:06 AM
Philip
Wow. Sure a photo would be good. I find it funny that in my country white people do their best to be tanned while over here some are using chlorox to be whitened. I thought it was only M. Jackson that turned crazy... you would have to pay me to do that and I would still refuse. I am proud of the way the Creator made me, what a boring world it would be to have ONLY white flowers.
August 8, 2007 1:45 PM